The wind keeps whispering his name

For a while now it's been eating me away inside. I don't have a computer of my own, so I need to be careful when using my sister's disposable gadget. Because that's all it is to her. She uses it for school, or to chat with her silly friends but that's about it. She doesn't mind me using her notebook and is not interested in what I do. Still, her friends might be nosy enough. So I try to erase every trace each time I use the damn thing. Everything has its price.

There's a party going on somewhere down the road. They're loud. Not sure, but I think it's the students from #49. My sister sometimes goes there as well, to hang out with some of the cool guys she doesn't get to meet at her own school. She looks older than she is. She acts older, even. Our mother is away most of the time so she can't control her daughter anymore. If ever! We have a neighbour watching over us, a sweet elderly woman we call Granna. Her name is Anna and she is like a grandma, so that explains it. My sister loves Granna. I love Granna too. Never knew our own. The rest of the family lives far away, so my mom told us. Our father left us for another woman with whom he has children too. I think we have about three or four little brothers and one baby sister. But we never see them. Nor dad. Granna tells us about all of this, because a cousin of her brother-in-law is married to a relative of my father's new wife. Mom doesn't know we know and we promised Granna we would never say a word about it. At least not to mom. To her, our father is the enemy. I guess he hurt her real bad.

It is weird to write this down now. As if turning my thoughts into actual words makes it less surreal. But my heart is pounding just the same. I don't know. I see his face and can hear his voice as if we spoke only yesterday. But we didn't. Sorry. I am not talking about my father. I realised you might think I was. No. I need to write about a friend of mine who took his own life not long after his birthday. It didn't come as a real shock, but when I found out, I was still shaking all over and felt sick. It wasn't the first suicide in my life. I have lost so many people already. Truth is, I am in a younger body and in a new life myself for the last seventeen years. But I have lived for ages already. Sometimes I remember parts of my previous lives, but the flashes never last more than a few seconds. As if they are not significant enough. I don't give it much thought. I know that when I need to remember, I will. So that is why I know my lives have been filled with loss before.