Dreams

My mother is a caterer. She travels a lot to cook food for artists and business people, she works for a small company she co-founded. When we lived in San Francisco, she tried to stay home for us and worked at a restaurant. But she needs to move around. It's who she is. She once joked she has gypsy blood. I don't know. I tried to focus on the thought of having gypsy blood, but so far no luck. I haven't seen any glimpses of past lives being a gypsy. Not that I can remember anyway.

My sister took her notebook with her when she left to stay at a friend of hers. I don't have a computer myself, because mom has one I am supposed to use for homework and all that. But it's in her room and I don't like to have to sit and write in her room. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Or maybe I just miss having mom around.

I'm at Granna's now. We sometimes sleep over. Granna has plenty of space since her kids moved away and her husband died. Her son Elias bought a computer for her, to stay in touch with the family. She knows how to use MSN, how to find the latest gossip and she likes to watch clips on YouTube of people she once knew. I don't know. Granna used to work as an actress. She is still beautiful, but old. Too old to get a decent role I guess. Granna told me it is important to follow your dreams and your heart. Is it really?

My sister Caro will be off to college next year. Doesn't seem like she has the brains for it, but she will go to New York and get with the program of... environmental studies. Yes. I am not kidding. It was a shock to us all. But her grades seem fine and she really is determined to go to New York. I haven't asked her about it yet. We hardly see each other this summer.

My dreams? It's what Tommy asked me too, when we last spoke about 3 months ago. I don't know. For me it seems hard to have a dream, any dream at all. The idea I have lived before and am in fact a very old person, that just keeps lingering and whenever I try to dismiss the thought, it comes back. So lately I have come to the firm belief that the paths you take in life are predestined. So what is the purpose of having dreams, if somehow things are written in stone already?